when.

If not now, when?



This past week, I've come to the realization that I sit at home and watch too many movies. What am I doing with my life?

There's a very large canvas that has been sitting in my kitchen for months. I've lacked motivation to actually begin working on it. But on friday, I started!
It all began with one of those said movies.
A large theme in the film was going for what you want. Letting go, and living.

What do I gain from sitting on my couch all night glued to a screen?

I keep reiterating that I want to do art, to keep working at something that I love, that I know I have a talent in. That will never happen if I sit on my butt.
If I don't start now, when will I?
I want to immerse myself in it. To work at it each day and be happy with where it's taking me. When I began that canvas, I felt elated. It brought me back to my art school days. To when my whole life was art. When I was happy in doing something all day that brought a feeling of satisfaction. Of success. Of recognition.

Which brings me to my next point. I want to be recognized. Not in a grand sense. That's asking for too much. But I want to be noticed.
Not just in my art. Here I'm talking about in everyday living.
Last night I went out with some friends to a piano bar. I had the opportunity to chat with people that I don't know very well, as well as meet new folks.
I love meeting new people, but my small talk skills are lacking!
It made me realize that I need to get out into the world more often. I want to get to know new people, and for them to get to know me and want to know more (yes I am also alluding to romance).

But I am also talking about exploring the world! Pushing my comfort levels and trying new things.
Instead of sitting at home, I need to ask myself this: If not now, when?

Procrastination causes regret. And I don't want that in my life. If I don't start now, I feel like that cycle will continue, and before I know it I'll be old and wonder where life went and what I did with it.

I know that I have so much potential. It may sound narcissistic. But having that confidence is what I need.